i am a wretched wife at times. i know many of you may think... what? christin? she is always so happy and friendly. no i'm not trying to flatter myself with what i think you all think of me. i know that for the most part... i'm not an angry, negative, or nasty person. but let me tell you... i'm not necessarily the best wife. i fail my husband more than necessary. so with that said... this is an email i sent to my friend ambee... detailing what i'm learning. and let me tell you... these are hard hard hard lessons to learn.
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i think my desire should first be to love the Lord and have HIM lead me above my husband. to show HIM love and for HIM to show me love. and i need to respond properly to the LORD and talk to HIM better and trust that if i do what i want bud to for me, but for the Lord, i'll be content because my focus will be on the right ONE and not just so focused on bud. and God will grow my heart and love for Him, and in turn, give me a gentler spirit towards my husband. to be more patient, more kind, more forgiving. resentment and bitterness are something that i'm struggling with and i should be giving that up to the LORD and not harboring it within myself. because when my heart is right with the LORD - all these other things will seem so small and i will be able to see the light within the darkness of my situation. and i will be able to praise Him and be content and joyful.
i was reading proverbs 31 today to remind myself what kind of wife i should be. then i went on to read the 4th chapter of feminine appeal by carolyn mahaney. its about self-control. how is that for perfect timing. this chapter was perfect on what we as women of the LORD should do.
here are a few things i took away from the chapter:
scripture REQUIRES self-control from every christian. so it is obviously attainable by every christian. especially as the Lord gives you the grace to go through each day. "whenever God gives a command, He also provides the grace to obey it." i need to observe self-control when i bite at bud when he crosses me or says something that is not exactly what i wanted to hear. i know that i need to work on this and i need to let the Holy Spirit work this out within me as well. "for this i toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." - col. 1:29 - that shows me that it is a struggle, but its not a losing struggle. because Christ is willing to grant us his strength. he is always there to help us when we need him. "He delights to bring glory to His name by enabling us to overcome patterns of sin. so with fresh faith... revisit the biblical teaching of self-control."
God's word likens self-control to walls, or rather it informs us that NOT having self-control is like not having walls. its like the cities in ancient times, they all had crazy thick walls to keep out enemies. it was their self-defense. having walls around us is our self-control/self-defense. self-control is our defense against the enemies of our soul.
in reality - we can't deny it. we like to sin. "when we reply to our husbands with a cruel remark, it's because we want to inflict hurt." "sin leads to death. it delivers negative consequences not only in our own lives, but also in our relationship with others." when we realize that self-control is the grace we need to avoid sins cycle, that it is a virute that spares us from it's consequences, we will welcome it into our lives.
elisabeth elliot is quoted saying "we cannot give our hearts to God and keep our bodies for ourselves." this part was about eating and overeating being a sin. we both know i have that problem. and that it is a daily struggle for me. undisciplined use of our bodies will hinder our service to God. carolyn mahaney says "let us resolve never to eat without offering thanks to our God for His bountiful provision." i hope that when i learn this area of self-control, other things in my life will fall into place (babies!).
the big question when facing self-control, with reading the scriptures, keeping every thought captive, we need to ask ourselves, am i seeking my own glory or God's glory with my... fill in the blank. with my eating, with my sleeping, with my relationship with my husband, with the way i treat others, with the way i respond to my husband... etc. most of our unhappiness in life is due to the fact that we are listening to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves. instead of listening to all the pain, the doubt, the anger, the resentment, the frustration, the feelings of being denied... we must TALK to ourselves and remind ourselves of God's word and His promises. "our feelings are not morally neutral. feelings register what is transpiring in our hearts." we need to make the daily practice of meeting with God.
God cares about our feelings. He cares about what life throws at us. He is in control of all of it. He lets things happen. he orchestrates things in a way that will bring Himself Glory and who are we to argue with that.
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that was long, i know. and if you made it this far - welcome to my heart. my shortcomings. my sin. i'm praying and growing and not hiding my shortcomings from anyone, because what good would it do?
-----
i think my desire should first be to love the Lord and have HIM lead me above my husband. to show HIM love and for HIM to show me love. and i need to respond properly to the LORD and talk to HIM better and trust that if i do what i want bud to for me, but for the Lord, i'll be content because my focus will be on the right ONE and not just so focused on bud. and God will grow my heart and love for Him, and in turn, give me a gentler spirit towards my husband. to be more patient, more kind, more forgiving. resentment and bitterness are something that i'm struggling with and i should be giving that up to the LORD and not harboring it within myself. because when my heart is right with the LORD - all these other things will seem so small and i will be able to see the light within the darkness of my situation. and i will be able to praise Him and be content and joyful.
i was reading proverbs 31 today to remind myself what kind of wife i should be. then i went on to read the 4th chapter of feminine appeal by carolyn mahaney. its about self-control. how is that for perfect timing. this chapter was perfect on what we as women of the LORD should do.
here are a few things i took away from the chapter:
scripture REQUIRES self-control from every christian. so it is obviously attainable by every christian. especially as the Lord gives you the grace to go through each day. "whenever God gives a command, He also provides the grace to obey it." i need to observe self-control when i bite at bud when he crosses me or says something that is not exactly what i wanted to hear. i know that i need to work on this and i need to let the Holy Spirit work this out within me as well. "for this i toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." - col. 1:29 - that shows me that it is a struggle, but its not a losing struggle. because Christ is willing to grant us his strength. he is always there to help us when we need him. "He delights to bring glory to His name by enabling us to overcome patterns of sin. so with fresh faith... revisit the biblical teaching of self-control."
God's word likens self-control to walls, or rather it informs us that NOT having self-control is like not having walls. its like the cities in ancient times, they all had crazy thick walls to keep out enemies. it was their self-defense. having walls around us is our self-control/self-defense. self-control is our defense against the enemies of our soul.
in reality - we can't deny it. we like to sin. "when we reply to our husbands with a cruel remark, it's because we want to inflict hurt." "sin leads to death. it delivers negative consequences not only in our own lives, but also in our relationship with others." when we realize that self-control is the grace we need to avoid sins cycle, that it is a virute that spares us from it's consequences, we will welcome it into our lives.
elisabeth elliot is quoted saying "we cannot give our hearts to God and keep our bodies for ourselves." this part was about eating and overeating being a sin. we both know i have that problem. and that it is a daily struggle for me. undisciplined use of our bodies will hinder our service to God. carolyn mahaney says "let us resolve never to eat without offering thanks to our God for His bountiful provision." i hope that when i learn this area of self-control, other things in my life will fall into place (babies!).
the big question when facing self-control, with reading the scriptures, keeping every thought captive, we need to ask ourselves, am i seeking my own glory or God's glory with my... fill in the blank. with my eating, with my sleeping, with my relationship with my husband, with the way i treat others, with the way i respond to my husband... etc. most of our unhappiness in life is due to the fact that we are listening to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves. instead of listening to all the pain, the doubt, the anger, the resentment, the frustration, the feelings of being denied... we must TALK to ourselves and remind ourselves of God's word and His promises. "our feelings are not morally neutral. feelings register what is transpiring in our hearts." we need to make the daily practice of meeting with God.
God cares about our feelings. He cares about what life throws at us. He is in control of all of it. He lets things happen. he orchestrates things in a way that will bring Himself Glory and who are we to argue with that.
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that was long, i know. and if you made it this far - welcome to my heart. my shortcomings. my sin. i'm praying and growing and not hiding my shortcomings from anyone, because what good would it do?
i'm glad you're learning so much. i'll try to remember this when i start being a pain in the ass to you, like i do so often. i love you.
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